a couple weekends ago i watched a high school friend's basketball game. it had been a while since we'd last seen each other, about a year or so. we got to talking afterward and she said something that surprised me. it went something like this:
"b-dog, you sound different. like more mature or something."
it shocked me to hear this. i felt like the same old becky, just with longer hair and more makeup than i wore in high school. the more i pondered this though, i realized how i had changed and grown and matured over the last year and a halfish.
- to ask for help: you're not a failure if you do.
- to manage my money smarter. too bad i didn't learn that one earlier.
- not to speed anymore. because speeding tickets are dumb and cost you demerits.
- that no matter how much my heart wants something, my head knows it's wrong. (i'm really really glad i learned this one)
isn't it funny how you can feel so secure and so sure of yourself, like you know everything there is to know about life, for a time, and when you look back a year later you realize how young and foolish and naive you were? and just how lucky you were to make it through that portion of your life, based on the decisions you were making? the scary thing is, this isnt a 'once in a lifetime' epiphany. its a recurring event. right now, i feel like i've learned a lot about life and myself and driving and money and school and dentistry and boys, but i know that in the next, say, 6 months, life's going to be full of turbulence and thick cloud coverage and ice forming on my (hypothetical) wings, so much so that i lose control and this delicate little balance i'm maintaining will spiral and careen off course into a terrifying, disorienting nosedive. but as i pick myself up from the ashes and dust myself off, just as i have done countless times before, i'll learn from it. i'll learn what i was doing wrong and why i was doing it wrong. i will grow and mature and become wise once again and will eventually look back at that phase in my life and laugh, saying "my, what a foolish and silly and unwise girl i once was!"
all these epiphanies better make me into a freaking fabulous woman, cause they sure are not fun.