hell's kitchen?

in an effort to minimize my expenditures, i have taken to eating breakfast at home, packing lunches and preparing suppertime meals. while preparing my simple meal of chicken breast, green beans, and rice, the following events occurred:

i proceeded to defrost the frozen chicken breast and cook it in a pan. the amount of oil i rationed soon ran out but my chicken continued to merrily sizzle and spit. as i boiled the green beans, the fire alarm starts ringing. apparently my chicken breast began to burn.

how the hell do you turn off a fire alarm?

i raced around my hallways tracking down the alarm while digressing into hysterics. (ps those things are loud. the fire alarm i mean, not my hysterics.) i stared at it for a while, just trying to figure out how to turn it off. i jumped at it and hit it with my finger a couple of times but that didnt do too much. i grabbed a chair from the kitchen, still laughing about the hilarity of this situation. the upper floor of my house still reeks of burning teflon.

how does one all of a sudden suck at cooking? cause its happened to me.


i go through phases of being okay and not okay with all of this break up stuff..guess what phase i'm in now.


check list

completion of gossip girl season one: check.

initiation of season 2 download: check.

cleaning of the room: check.

processing of laundry: check.

first office softball game: check.

getting hit on by softball man: check.

being attacked by hundreds of mosquitoes at rugby practice: check.

playdate with jon tomorrow: check :)

(ps-we're transitioning from lovers to friends..i'll keep you posted. pun intended.)


so i swalled a bug while longboarding.

one of the countless glorious things that can happen when engaging in said activity. i love it (longboarding, not swallowing the bug) for several reasons:

a) its kind of peaceful when its just you, your board, and your ipod. (and justin bieber, in my case). its a time to think and to clear your mind and mull things over.

b) its one of those activities thats just difficult enough to engage your body so you feel like youre working your muscles without really having to do anything.

c) i learn not to take myself too seriously when longboarding cause im really not that good. the ability to laugh at yourself when you do something wrong and make a fool of yourself is a vital one, albeit difficult to develop..boarding helps with that slow developmental process.

d) when i longboard it feels like im snowboarding. ive never done the i feel cool when i pretend that im carving. i like to think i'd be okay at it.

longboarding is a people magnet. have you ever noticed that? guaranteed nine out of ten cars that drove past me stared me down the whole time..people are drawn to a longboarder. they probably automatically assume youre really, really cool. dont believe me? the next time you see a longboarder, check your reaction. are you checking them out? gotcha.

one peeve that i have about boarding is the infallibility of my clumsiness when others are around. when its just me, i carve like a pro and rarely lose my balance. as soon as someone rounds the corner, its like his or her presence throws off the delicate balance i have managed to so delicately maintain. and i fall. everytime. lets hope i grow out of this stage asap.



i hate the point when you realize that things really arent going to work out and that they need to end. i hate the "let's still be friends" because it never works out. i hate that we cant be together, even though we both want to. i hate not being able to listen to my favorite songs without thinking about you. i hate waiting by my phone, expecting a text that never comes. i hate not knowing when i'll see you again. i hate when something funny happens that i know you'll appreciate, going to text you..and realizing that i cant. i hate that everything i do reminds me of you..that every thought i have revolves around the one person i cant have. i hate that things cant work out right now, even if we've really tried. i hate knowing that my very best friend will no longer be a part of me and my life..that i'm left alone.
and i especially hate that you feel the same way.



bears hump.

my new friend.

(note: its an eatmore..just in case you were wondering. not my new friend..the stuff on my leg. its an eatmore.)


the unthinkable

i advertised my blog in my facebook i really this desperate?


a rant like none other

maybe if i just start writing, all of these thoughts bouncing around in my head will just organize themselves into a semblance of a blog post and my mind will stop racing at a thousand miles per hour. cause trying to keep up with it is kind of tiring.

so far living on the west side has been great! i love my new room, my new bathroom, having the freedom to do my laundry when i feel like it, the location, and my new roomies. i like exploring the west side and slowly learning where everything is. theres a cute little parky-path thing that is great for longboarding/running and lots of open fields to pass my new rugby ball around :) and maybe practice up my baseball skills so i'll be pro for office baseball.

next on my to do list: make more friends. because right now i'm down to alaya and jon and my mom. and sometimes kelsey. i guess living in this house gives me tons of opportunities to make four new roommate friends (i'm kind of new to the concept of roommate friends..i've only ever had one.) being in a new ward and living on a different side of town will help me out in this department i think. having a boyfriend has kind of isolated me from my friends..unless they're couple friends. not that i regret having a boyfriend at all because jonny is my best friend! sometimes it feels like i am out of practice at the making friends thing..i think i have developed a type of social retardism.

i decided this week that i will never get married. no, it wasnt a was brought to my attention that i will never get married. if i do, it will be at the ripe old age of thirty. there are several key pieces of information that sustain this reasoning:

1. i'm going to texas for two years. who am i going to date in texas? megan and tom already vetoed the texans and the mexicans. i will associate with no members of the opposite sex under the age of forty unless there is a male in my program. unlikely.

2. jon's going on his mission. that is a beautiful and great thing! but what if he comes back changed? change is a good thing..but what if he realizes that i'm a crappy person? what if this change of heart is so dramatic that he'll wonder why he was with me in the first place? my most obvious choice as a spouse may not even remember my name when he returns.

3. after hygiene school, i will, most likely, return to canada as a poor, employment-starved ex-student with too much debt and a texan accent. as desirable as that is..i dont think i'll have boys lining up at my door.

4. when i do get a job, men will only want me for my money. and thats no good.

okay, okay, im kind of grasping at straws..but right now it just seems like i'm the most undesirable person.

things with jon are going a lot better..its hard dating a person and not knowing where you'll end up. i mean, you date someone because you love them and enjoy being with them and hopefully want to be with them for the rest of your life..but when you realize that you arent certain that you two will last and be together forever, its really discouraging. i hate the point in a relationship when you realize that you really dont know if things are going to work out in the long run. :(

as disheartening as this all is, you'd think i'd just avoid things that would remind me of the future single life i have to look forward to. i just cant pull myself away from it all. i get way to excited when i see a new wedding album on facebook and obsessively cruise through the album two to three times. i'm obsessing over different wedding colours and the distribution of my wedding weighing the pros and cons of different photographers. trying to narrow down my picks for bridesmaids..i shamefully admit that i've looked at wedding dresses three times this week.

my heart breaks a little every time.

i feel so discouraged: its feels like i'll never find the person that i'm meant to be with. in my patriarchal blessing it says that i'll find a husband in the own due time of the Lord..i'm not sure how long thats going to be. i think thats His way of telling me that, even though it feels like i need to be married now, He has other things planned for me before then. its just hard for me to understand that right now.

down with love and marriage :(


i feel like i have a lot to say..but no patience to take the time to say it.


things you probably dont know about me (pt.1)

1. i never have, nor ever will, pee in a bush. i will hold it until facilities are available, thank you very much.

2. i rarely eat leftovers. if i do, there are only certain meals that i will eat (spaghetti, meat loaf, lasagna, rice and the like).

3. i lick both sides of the chip before i eat it.

4. i suffer from a fear of heights. i always thought i was just afraid of falling and landing..then someone explained to me that there isn't much more to be afraid of when youre up high. therefore, fear of heights. (i am working at overcoming that fear. walked on the train bridge last week..suck it, phobia!)

5. i am a really, really bad arguer. i always see truth in what the other person is saying.

6. i am a terrible, terrible actor.

7. i really dislike hurting peoples' feelings..i am a people pleaser.

8. i prefer to sleep with my bedroom door locked..i feel safer that way.

9. i put peanut butter on both pieces of bread in a pb&j sandwich.

10. i think being lonely is the worst feeling one could experience. well, probably not the worst, but i think its pretty up there. (not just being alone..i enjoy a vast amount of alone time. i'm talking about the times that you feel that you have nobody to depend on, that nobody cares about you or how you feel, that you have no one to confide in. the kind that leaves you crying in your bed in the dark. that kind of loneliness.)

11. i am a grammar fiend, although my speech and blogging would probably say otherwise. and by fiend i mean nazi.

12. although i may seem like a social person, i love time to myself. i am also too independent to constantly have people around me. i am a loner at times.

13. this probably isnt too unknown..but i have a wicked temper and little to no patience.

(note: i labeled this as "part 1" in hopes that i will dredge up enough points from the bottom of my soul to formulate a second part. we'll see how that goes.)


funny story..

today jon and i were wrestling. in an act of self defense, i heeled his lower back with my heel (using said anatomically-sound bone as a battering ram) to deter his attack.

result: i think i sprained my ankle. or achilles tendon or something.