plea of a desperate teen

dear mister border guard,

hi. how are you? good? good.

so..you might have guessed i kinda want to cross the border. i dont have a passport..is that gonna be a problem? see officer, i tried real, real hard to get it..i went up to calgary four times in four days and each time it just didnt work out..the passport gods have it out for me i guess.

i have a valid licence and birth certificate and you can even call my parents if you need further reasoning to let me cross. all i want to do is hear the prophet's words..there is a good chance that you have no idea who or what i am talking about. just goin to utah for a few days sir :)

you know what mr. border patrol guy? just check my criminal record and you'll surely find that i have a clean slate. i dont understand why you dont just let people with a clean slate across in the first place..this passport crap is unnecessary.

anywho, just figured i'd jot down this little plea to maybe convince yo to let me across..come on, no one will know :)

sincerely,

me.