cruel, cruel summer

tuesday, august 10th. summer is nearly complete..i love summer. love love love it. but right now i cant help but feel as though i have wasted it. not so much in the 'i havent accomplished anything this summer' department because i dont care about that too much. come on. its summertime, who gets anything done? no. i mean in the 'have i really done anything fun this summer? have i done anything that will make this summer memorable? that will make me look back and think 'oh yeah, summer '10 was spectacular'?'

no. i fear i have not.

sure, my last post may suggest otherwise. to tell you the truth, those are the only fun, memory-making things that i have done. the realization of this makes me doubt the path that i sought this summer. i'm beginning to question why i stuck around in leth, why i didnt work somewhere fun and exotic like, say...waterton. i knew that i wanted to, but i just never did. while debating my work/social plans for the fairer months, reason won out. the little misguided angel on my shoulder convinced me that summer in deathbridge would be a far more enjoyable and profitable experience. what do i have to show for it? nothing. my social calendar is embarrassingly bare, my phone is ever silent (with the exception of texts from my mother), and i dont have a decent tan. im really stressing about this, people.

to solve this problem, i guess i need to analyze why it is a problem in the first place. why havent i had a crazy good time this summer?

exhibit a: i moved to the west side in may. this is generally when all fun, crazy youth return home. not saying that there arent still fun and crazy people on the west side. the fun and crazy crowd are all bonded together already and such and its not easy to force your way into such things.

exhibit b: the vast majority of my (west side) friends moved home, went on missions, got married etc. my other friends did the same things.

exhibit c: i worked. (part time, which you think would leave the window of fun opportunities wide open..nope.)

exhibit d: i played club rugby which is awesome and great by the way! but it takes up your weekends like nobody's business, so no saturday trips to waterton and bc and other fun places :(

exhibit e: i had a boyfriend throughout the school year..and we broke up in may (the month in which, if you remember, everyone leaves.) while this (dating, i mean,) in itself is an opportunity to meet and become friends with all of said boyfriend's friends, it ostracized me from my friends and nullified most opportunities to meet/become bonded with fun and crazy youth. (see exhibit a.) i ultimately set my self up for social failure.

these factors, coupled with some serious upheaval of life plans, has left me doubtful and unsure, the most i have ever been. with no solid plans for fall, nothing to work towards, i feel lost and without a purpose really. i guess i was able to blame my weak sauce summer on the fact that i was saving and preparing for hygiene school in the fall. with that rug pulled from under my feet, i just feel lame and inadequate and unsure of myself. what a disappointing summer.

i apologize for the overall dispirited-ness of this post. and i guess i never really came up with a solution for all of this did i? blast.